guest post: watching Kaellyn

By: Kathy, guest columnist - July, 2011

I've waited a very long time to become a grandma, and believe me, Kaellyn has made all of my waiting worthwhile.  I am her "close-by grandma".  Grandpa Ed and I have been babysitting her for at least a few hours every week since she was six weeks old.  We've watched her grow from a dark-haired brown-eyed baby to the sassy blue-eyed blonde that she is today, and it's been a thrill.

For the first 10 months of our babysitting adventures, Amy, Allen, Kaellyn, Flash, Jazz, Summer, and Furio were all stuffed into that little house in Arlington.  Even though Amy laughed when she called the house "the shack", it really was, well, "Shack-like". 

Being a baby, Kaellyn was oblivious to the fact that her living conditions were not up to Grandma's expectations :)  She was a happy baby and nothing, not even the yapping and licking dogs, bothered her.  It was only as she became more active that the cramped conditions became an issue.  Her whole waking day was spent in a living room that was already too small for comfort, let alone for moving around in.  She learned to crawl by going around and around the coffee table, she learned about limits by banging her head into the sliding glass door, and she learned about sharing as Flash ran off with her toys. 

Whenever we watched Kaellyn, weather permitting and sometimes not, we escaped the confines of that little  house and took her and the dogs on a long, long walk.  Arlington is such a family friendly community,  it's got a park or playground on practically every other corner, plenty of wooded walking paths, and endless neighborhoods to explore.  And explore we did!

At first all we had to do was grab the little baby, throw her in the stroller, get the dogs, and off we went.  The baby was asleep as soon as we were halfway down the street., and as soon as she woke up, we headed back home.  But as she got older, the weather turned colder, and it became a matter of bundling up a baby who didn't like shoes or hats or mittens, putting a sweater on skinny Jazz, and venturing out with a squirming baby and two hyper dogs.  

We walked to the community garden, to the elementary school, around and around the blocks, up and down the hill behind the school, over to this park and to that playground, all the time singing or chatting to keep Kaellyn and the dogs happy.  A few times we ventured, without the dogs, down the big hill into the wonders of Shirlington where we could mingle with others and grab a cup of coffee.  But usually we just wandered around the neighborhood, stopping at a park to play or to snap some pictures. 

Kaellyn and her family are now residing in a much larger place. She's got plenty of room to run around and play, and she doesn't bump into the sliding glass door anymore.  Flash continues to run off with her toys and we still take plenty of walks, singing, talking, and delighting in this little girl who has become such an enormous part of our lives.  Kaellyn won't remember all of the fun times we had while babysitting her in Arlington, but Grandma will never forget them.


The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily those of blue-haired blonde. 

RIP, Big Orange Cat

I am so sick of this cat! Stop annoying me!!! He is trying to trip me and kill me!!

Those words repeat over and over again in my mind. They are some of the last things I remember saying to Furio (our Big Orange Cat) before he suddenly passed away on Tuesday morning.

Furio was "special".  When Allen and I were dating, I convinced him to "temporarily" adopt Furio when my brother was moving into an apartment that didn't allow cats. Allen saved his life. He's been with us ever since. His nickname, BOC (Big Orange Cat - duh) couldn't have been more fitting. He didn't walk, he lumbered. He ate paper - which wouldn't be so bad as paper is one of my many pet peeves, but he always managed to pick out the important document to chew on and regurgitate in pieces. When too much time passed between his allergy shots, he threw up all over the place, usually choosing clean, carpeted areas. His diet of paper and envelope glue obviously added to his regurgitation. He shed like crazy, even during the winter - orange hair was everywhere. He was outspoken and loud. His meow was sharp, piercing, and relentless.

To say the least, the past year has been a trying one for me and the cats. I had already secretly Become a Dog Person when we moved into, and were consequently living on top of each other in, the Shack. The arrival of The Baby pushed our already tumultuous relationship to the brink. Overwhelmed with my new lifestyle in which I felt like I constantly gave of myself, with nothing left over for me, in my eyes the cats existed purely to take from me. Unlike the dogs, they seemed to give nothing in return. Traits that once endeared me to cats in general I began to view as self-absorbed and entitled behavior in my little anxiety-ridden world. Furio, always at the bottom of the pack, was practically buried underneath dirty diapers and dog bones on the totem pole of Family.

Things will get better once we move. I must have said it 1,000 times. Our new house is vast compared to the Shack. The cats and I will go days on end without seeing each other! We will eat at a table while they frolic in the many other rooms. We will watch tv on one couch while they lounge on another. We can sleep with only 4 mammals in the bed! Then when we do see each other, we can cuddle and purr at each other, like cats and their owners do on TV.

But you know what? The situation didn't immediately improve. We moved. The cats were confused. Misplaced. Furio started throwing up again, and it REALLY bothered me when it was MY new carpets that were being stained. I took him to the vet for an allergy shot (it was that shot, a steroid, I believe, that ultimately killed him). They begged at my new kitchen table, like, and along with, the dogs. Once I gave Furio some food, he didn't even want it! He just wanted to annoy me. He followed me around all day, whining until I fed him dinner. Subsequently, the cats' "dinner" time creeped forward each day, until dinner became breakfast.

Last week I told a friend that I had reached my breaking point with him and wouldn't mind having him go live with my brother again, who could now accommodate a cat. There. I said it aloud. It must be true, right? As soon as the words left my mouth, my heart sunk and my stomach did a little flip. Wow. I sound like a horrible, selfish cow, I thought. My friend, also an avid animal lover and caretaker, looked at me in surprise. She knew me better than that. I immediately took back my words, but they lingered. They continue to linger.

Then, suddenly,  a week later, he fell ill. Death. I felt it as he woke me up early that morning (Allen had already left for work). His breathing had become difficult, labored and seemingly painful. I stroked his soft orange fur as I fumbled on my iPad and phone to find an animal hospital in a brand new city in which I knew no one and had only scoped out the shopping and restaurants. My anxiety took over as I began to plan how I would wake and feed the baby, get the cat into the carrier, baby into the car and then move the entire operation to a yet-to-be-located animal hospital. Furio looked up at me. For the first time in over a year, my mind stopped racing - my world stood still. I was too late. My tears fell onto his soft orange fur as I helplessly watched him take his last difficult breath and his heart skipped, then stopped. I sat there, shocked, in silence. I touched his fur, just to be sure. My words of the previous week weighed heavily on my mind.

I constantly think about Furio's last days with us. Every meow, mess and annoyance run through my mind, over and over. Was I so self-absorbed and baby-centric that I missed the signs? Was he trying to tell me something was wrong, rather than annoy me for the sake of annoying me? ME. Could it have been about HIM, and not about ME? Guilt. I think of this post I wrote after the New Year, about relishing and cherishing the simple things. About removing the negativity from my life, while adding positivity to the lives of those who chose to be part of mine. What about Furio? Had I unknowingly become the same type of self-absorbed person that I wanted to avoid?

I know that in the big scheme of life, the death of a cat is a small thing. My heart goes out all over again as I try to comprehend the deep loss of loved ones and loved ones of loved ones. Graduate school a recent memory, I am well-versed in the Stages of Grief. Nevertheless, I constantly think about death and I struggle with the regret that undoubtedly accompanies it. I am simply at a loss.

Last night I dreamt about Furio. He was lounging around while I cooked and we were simply co-existing, both content. We were somehow peaceful with each other in that moment. That's the funny thing about dreams; it can take an inordinate amount of time to communicate a simple thought, with a cat no less. You are allowed a lifetime of thoughts and possibilities in the snap of a finger.

I once read a poem about how, when a cat dies it leaves a "catlessness" behind. We are aware of what we miss. Back in real life, I think about Kaellyn, and am thankful she is too young to understand the loss, for I don't understand it myself. I find orange hair every where. Summer and the dogs mope. I try to console them as I would Kaellyn, and for the first time in a very long time, I practice patience with them. I tell them that we love who and what we love; we need never apologize for this but instead show it. They may not understand anything I say, but I hope they at least feel comforted by the effort I make towards reassurance. Because grief is easier when it is shared. Actually, it may not matter whether or not they understand.  Because, after all, I don't understand it myself. All I know is I miss the piercing meow of my Big Orange Cat. I'm sorry, Furio.

Bye bye baby

packing

Well, hello! It's been a long time since I took a few minutes to sit down and blog. Last I wrote, I had an almost 10 month old baby and was preparing to move to the burbs. As luck would have it, since my last post, I did in fact move to the 'burbs (more about that in my next post) and I now have an almost year old almost-TODDLER who is getting ready for her first birthday! In just 3 weeks to be exact.

The past month has been one of change in my little world. Baby-wise, my little baby is now a little person. We have a routine, and it now includes multiple naps. I am learning her likes (eating cheese) and dislikes (wearing cheese on her head). I am able to communicate with her, and I can’t remember (or imagine) life without her.

checking e-mail

This time a year ago I was as big as a whale, trapped under 600 feet of snow, wondering how I would survive a year in The Shack. Today, I am sitting at my new dining room table (in my very own dining room!), waiting for this little person, who is my daughter and my friend, to wake up from a nap in her spacious room upstairs that has a closet and windows that open and close. The year really flew by.

Now, this little person is standing, bending, squatting, cruising... and taking about 8 steps at a time. My guess is she'll walk soon, but who knows. She's been cruising forever.  I know that walking eventually means running, and I don't do running, so we're in no rush. Did I mention she has her very own baby laptop and baby cellphone? Oh, and she's learning to drive - in style of course!

move outta my way!

last balancing act (aka meal) in The Shack - can you find the 5 mammals in this picture?

fun with cheese

please dad, can I take it off now?

 

cooking asian lettuce wraps

itty bitty stove

I love to cook. Cooking, like certain forms of cleaning, is therapeutic for me. I had planned to share recipes on this blog but unfortunately my teeny tiny temporary kitchen has caused too much frustration to result in cooking anything that involves more than 2 ingredients.

However, for Allen's birthday, since going out is no longer a viable option, I offered to make him a succulent dinner... and allowed him to choose the courses! Well, with the exception of anything requiring attention to detail, which I clearly and admittedly lack. Nerve-grating Rachel Ray's "Eyeball It" method (EyeBall It - A term for adding ingredients without measuring them) is my motto. Thus, automatically excluded were meat requiring a certain cooking temperature, dishes requiring meticulous measurement of ingredients (i.e. anything baked) and intricate, artistic dishes or those containing the words "wrapped", "stuffed" or "zest". Oh, also automatically excluded were any dishes involving an OVEN. Don't ask.

In the end, Allen requested a stir fry containing, but not limited to, carrots, water chestnuts, chicken and shrimp, with lettuce wraps as an appetizer. He also mentioned those round Chinese noodles but I couldn't find them in Giant, so I used flat lo mein noodles instead.

teeny tiny prep area

I found a simple recipe for lettuce wraps on Kalyn's Kitchen, a South Beach cooking blog I accidentally discovered, ironically, while researching baby names! Her recipes are simple, contain ingredients I usually have on hand, and are easily adaptable and of course I rarely have to actually measure out the ingredients.

So, a few spoonfuls of garlic here, a splattering of ginger there, a lil soy sauce, a splash of garlic chili sauce... resulted in an absolutely heavenly aroma! They were quite tasty, too. My lettuce wraps came out a little dry, but I suspect I cooked the turkey too long in an attempt to properly time the appetizer to be ready prior to the stir fry while only able to fit 1 other pot on the burner with the wok. I would post a picture of my wraps, but I used the wrong type of lettuce (romaine) and they didn't turn out pretty like Kalyn's.

The stir fry recipe is my own, but while delicious, it always turns out too watery. It's easy to drain in the end, but I haven't been able to figure out why this happens and how to fix it... any ideas?

Note: Do not attempt lettuce wraps unless you have a hard surface on which to eat (most people have these - they are called kitchen or dining room TABLES). Is it certainly not easy or enjoyable attempting to consume lettuce wraps while balanced on the edge of a couch with dogs underfoot and cats jumping abound and across the lap.

my assistant

when charming loses it's charm

Renting a small house in Arlington while waiting to move into our new house in the 'burbs has been a challenging and frustrating experience. Our current rental home, a "charming" 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom Cape Cod could be sweet love-nest - for a childless couple or one who travels a lot. A couple who prefers take-out over cooking, has minimal furniture, and sleeps in a double-bed. A cute, tiny couple with no pets, or maybe just a small, independent cat to take care of the mice.

grilling in 24 feet of snow

Not long after we moved into the cozy litte home that we chose because of it's cute screened-in porch, vast yard, and expansive deck, we got buried under about 24 feet of snow.  When the snow finally melted, those desirable outdoor amenities turned into a swampy mud-pit that the dogs tracked in all over the carpet. A few short weeks later, the temperature and humidity reached record highs and swarms of mosquitoes took over the yard and deck. So much for sacrificing indoor space for outdoor amenities.

The "quaint" upstairs master bedroom that we managed to cram our huge bedroom set into became unlivable once summer arrived because, get this, the upstairs does not have air conditioning! Who knew?! So, while I waddled up and down those steep stairs several times a night while pregnant, as soon as the temperature rose, we moved our bed to the tiny downstairs bedroom, which is also next to the nursery, bathroom and the room in which we spend most of our time - the living room.

snoozing in the swing

After The Baby was born, the living room began to feel like a room in a house of horrors where the walls close in on you. Baby accoutrement is not designed for charming houses built in the early 1900's. The baby swing, which served as Kaellyn's bed for 3 months, took up most of the space. So where was I supposed to put the Jumperoo? And the highchair? I often wonder if having 2 cats and 2 dogs in such a small space is considered animal hoarding. And what do I do with The Baby when I go into the tiny 6x6 kitchen to cook? Ok, never mind - the "stove", which leaves a lot to be desired in the first place, seems to be directly wired to the smoke alarms. A year of take-out it shall be.

Sharing space

We can rarely have people over because of the lack of space. There is no where to store Costco appetizers or serve dinner. No one can stay with us during the summer, because there is nowhere to sleep except the couch. And then where would we eat dinner, feed The Baby, work on the computer, watch endless hours of mindless tv? Besides, no one wants to sleep on a couch once they're over the age of 25.

I won’t lie.  Our future neighborhood and modern new home would've made me shudder in my 20's.  Our home has more than one bathroom, and our master bathroom has a huge bathtub (oh how I miss my baths!) and even features 2 sinks! Extravagant! I know! I will have room to blow-dry my hair and shave my legs without knocking over the dormitory-style shower caddy. My new kitchen features a digital (!) dishwasher and those pretty granite counter tops they always install on HGTV.

There were several factors that drove us to the suburbs and a leading one is the cost of real estate.  Homes near the city cost a LOT.  And the homes that we can afford in Arlington were not going to get us what we wanted - space. Things that weren't important before, like decent schools, community amenities, closet space and shopping with parking lots, are necessities now. We also wanted modern amenities, and those aren’t in high supply in our price range, either. We are, however, giving up outdoor space. The new house has a teeny, tiny yard. But, if the weather of the future is anything like the past year, it won't matter a bit.

While I will feature photos of our new home in a future post, here are just a few of the changes that I used to take for granted and am now looking forward to:

My Current Closet:

New closet:

walk-in closet

My current dishwasher:

oh hello, Self!

My new dishwasher:

modern dish-washing machine!

Current pantry:

dark, sketchy make-shift storage

New pantry:

a closet for food & such, imagine that!