guest post: becoming a father

By: Allen, guest columnist

Amy asked me to write her first guest blog, so after a few weeks of procrastination, I’ve finally had a chance to sit down to come up with some thoughts.  Coming up with a topic was much harder than I thought when she approached me several month ago with the idea of becoming a guest columnist.  I’ve enjoyed reading all of her previous blogs as she’s had some interesting observations on parenthood, so I thought I'd share mine.

For me, life has changed – but not to the extent of hers.  I still go to work each day and when Kaellyn was small (i.e. non-mobile), I did feel that things were different, but not that much different than in the past.  Now don’t get me wrong, life will never be like it used to be.  I mean, I gave up several softball teams... not to mention there are the sleep deprived nights.  This is in addition to no longer going out for happy hours or other spontaneous events!  Now, everything must be planned and discussed with “committee” in advance.  But getting back to my previous point, life has not changed as much for me as it has for Amy.  I mean, for her, every day is like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.  Her only break is when I come home in the evenings or when her folks come by to watch Kaellyn for several hours.  Otherwise, that baby is attached to her.

Besides the presence of my sweet daughter that I love dearly, the biggest change for me has been responsibility.  The focus in no longer just on either Amy or myself, it’s now about Kaellyn and the family.  For example, we just purchased our new home in Ashburn.  It was a tough sell to convince me to move outside the Beltway.  I love living in Arlington and being close to my friends here in the city.  But what we want is more affordable out there, the schools are better, and it’s apparently more family oriented.  I guess we'll find out for ourselves soon enough. I’ve kicked the cigars (or at least maybe once a month as a treat) and alcohol consumption has dropped dramatically.  I’ve almost tripled the life insurance policy and I've also started a college fund, thanks to the money my Mom gave me from the sale of my Grandmother’s home.

So while day-to-day activities may not have changed as much for me, I’m beginning to look at life from more of a "big picture" perspective as I try to insert more “responsibility” into my and my family's lives.

Feedback? Please leave a comment! And stay tuned for my next column... "Sports, Baby".

The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily those of blue-haired blonde.

it's beginning to look a lot like...

our ghetto xmas tree

The holidays, a very mobile baby, and work have kept me MIA from the blogosphere. Fortunately, I was able to catch up with both work and my holiday shopping over the past few days and I feel much relief. Online shopping, that is. I actually, hadn't left the Shack for 3 days until today. It's so bitter, bitter cold outside. And the wind! If you know me, you know I have absolutely no tolerance for cold. I seriously have been misplaced in Virginia. I hate to admit, but it's nice to have The Baby as an excuse not to have to leave the house for days on end.

The Baby! Speaking of Kaellyn, I can hardly believe that she is now 9 months old! She is 19 pounds (about 50th percentile) and 29 3/4 inches long (>98th percentile). This means 2 things - she is on track to be tall and skinny, and she has nearly outgrown the convenient snap-and-go car seat. Unfortunately, our snap-and-go has a weight or height limit of 30 pounds or inches. Oh how many dinners out we enjoyed thanks to the ingenious snap-and-go! Sigh.

You know, each month, I write a post filled with happiness and pride in my little baby's growth and accomplishments, but part of me actually feels anguish that my little baby isn’t so little anymore. I know I have said this before, but I never imagined how bittersweet it is to watch a child grow up right before my eyes. I actually feel like a glitch in the Matrix has occurred when I think about the fact that she’ll be a year old in less than three short months. How is it even possible that this first year of her life has slipped by so quickly?

On a lighter note, Kaellyn has had a lot of "firsts" this month! She can clap her hands, high five, raise her arms in "touchdown" (as my dad says, she's obviously not watching the Redskins!), and make a kissy face. She now has six teeth, several "words" in her vocabulary, and is cruising. Her hair is almost totally straight now and only sticks straight up if she sleeps a certain way. She has also experienced her first injury, one which I feared would become a black eye, but the experience wasn't as bad as I expected.

touchdown!

It has really hit me that the things Allen and I do and say today and in the future will shape the person Kaellyn becomes when she’s older. While I wave to her, thinking nothing of it, she was watching and absorbing, only to emulate me a few weeks later. She’s a sponge taking it all in, and I became really aware of this after she waved to me for the first time. But what about other things I say and do? I'm not perfect (shocking, I know!) and I (gasp!) make mistakes. I will have to choose my words and actions wisely, because clearly everything I do and say as a parent stays in her brain today and shapes her tomorrow.

In theory I already knew all of this, but to see it in action — to see her repeat something I had done, like clapping my hands — really put it in perspective for me. I know I will most definitely mess up as a parent and set the wrong example many times in the years to come, but I hope that being much more aware of the things I do and say will lessen the magnitude of my mistakes.