guest post: 37 and 'still' single

By: guest columnist Julie, The Road to Nowhere

When I first joined Facebook, I listed my status as single. That was fine, because it was true. What wasn't fine were the advertisements that accompanied that status.  At the time, I was 35, and every time I would log in, I would see an ad, with a woman in a wedding dress, and the headline, 35 and still single?  It drove me crazy.

Being 35 and single wasn't the problem. The problem was being 35 and 'still' single, as if there was a problem with that.

Throughout my 20's I wanted to be married.  I would go out with my friends and spend most of my evening on the lookout for my Soul Mate. Sometimes, tempted to stay in for the night, I still forced myself to go out because I might miss 'The One.'  In my mid-20's I finally captured the elusive relationship and spent the next 2 years trying to turn him into my idea of what a boyfriend should be. After significant effort and the failed achievement of becoming what we were not, we gave up the ghost and moved apart.

On my 30th birthday I woke up and realized, 'I don't HAVE to be married.'

For the next 5 years I was completely single. I threw myself into a retail management job that consumed the majority of my time, and I went back to school to get my MBA. I maintained a balanced level of professional success and personal failure. I got my MBA, my store made it's goal every month, and I was promoted to supervise our Philadelphia region... but my weight was breaking the scale and I couldn't write a check that wasn't made of rubber.  When I finally got my weight back to a healthy place, my finances secured, and my working hours to allow for a social life, I suddenly experienced another realization.  'I don't HAVE to be single - either.'

Experiencing that realization did not allow for an immediate transition from single to married with children. It's been more of a gradual experience... one of learning and appreciation, and in a way, preparation.  Getting to watch my friends with their children has become a source of joy I never thought I would have. My friend C tirelessly travels the baseball and basketball circuit while helping her son enjoy his passion for sports. My friend A will spend an entire lunch hour picking up the silverware her 9 month old daughter drops on the floor, making jokes about the 5 second rule instead of complaining. My friend R will handle her young daughter with grace and calm when the young girl breaks into tears if something doesn't go her way. My friend M will leave work early so that his son doesn't have to be the only boy in his after-school dance class.

I'm grateful to Amy for having this blog. It's an expression of love - of a parent to a child, of a new family. Reading her stories shows me that this type of love is possible and that the journey is worth it.

Today I wake up. It's my 37th birthday. I'm 'still' single. I know that "I don't HAVE to be single" and "I don't HAVE to be married." Either way, the journey is worth it.

The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily those of blue-haired blonde.

resolve... to not resolve... kinda, sorta

the simple things

Yesterday, New Year's Day, I was reading a topic that went around the blogosphere last month - "what would you tell your 16 year old self?". So many things went through my mind...

"ALWAYS wear mascara... your lashes are WHITE for God's sake. Don't wait for a reference to a character in a movie called 'Powder' to learn that lesson."

"Stock up on those delicious Cajun Spice Ruffles! They will be discontinued and your life will forever be changed."  


"This is nothing - it only gets better from here."

"Don’t waste so much time worrying about what other people think, they are too worried about themselves to notice!" 

I could go on and on... that last two pieces of advice could really serve as good resolutions, not only to an insecure high school student, but through out one's life, non? You know, I don’t remember the last time I actually wrote a list of resolutions. I also don't remember the last time I ever carried out my mental resolutions consistently for an entire year, ok month, let alone a week; be it healthy eating, consistent workout regimen, removing sushi and Helluva Good from the major food groups, etcetera, etcetera. This year, though, I've become a lot more introspective. It goes without saying that the year 2010 has been a transitional one, full of growth and change. Life has been joyful while overwhelming, fun while exhausting, happy while frustrating.

Where did these bananas come from?!

Without official resolutions per say, I guess I've been trying to simplify my life. I'm figuring out what I can handle, what I can't handle and most important, what I don't HAVE to handle.  I feel like, during the past year, I have found resolve with myself and with what I want out of life. In case you missed something or are reading the wrong blog, this year I Became a Mother! While I can't remember the day I woke up and was just "going with the flow",  here I am - adorn me with a bag of wipes and call me Mom. Parts intuitive, parts learned, it sort of just came together as I went along. Along the way, I've been reminded that life is fragile and short. I've learned the difference between looking out for oneself, and being a selfish cow. Consequently, the latter are no longer welcome in my life, as I've finally realized that I do not have to accept disrespect in my relationships. And for those who are welcome, I hope to give so that you have something valuable to take. It should be simple - let go of the negative, and cherish the positive, with humor and compassion. And rainbows, unicorns, warm puppies and bluebirds on my shoulder. If only. But I get an A for effort, right?

first snow

If it were possible, my New Year's resolution would be this - live like a 10 month old. Get lots of daily exercise by exploring the world around me. Eat protein, grains, veggies or fruit for every meal. Get lots of sleep - take naps! Only speak when I have something cute, sweet or funny to say, even if I make sense only to myself. Express my needs avidly and be content with what's provided. Ignore things and people that don't make me laugh or feel good, and spend quality time on and become fascinated with those that do. If only life were that easy.