guest post: 37 and 'still' single

By: guest columnist Julie, The Road to Nowhere

When I first joined Facebook, I listed my status as single. That was fine, because it was true. What wasn't fine were the advertisements that accompanied that status.  At the time, I was 35, and every time I would log in, I would see an ad, with a woman in a wedding dress, and the headline, 35 and still single?  It drove me crazy.

Being 35 and single wasn't the problem. The problem was being 35 and 'still' single, as if there was a problem with that.

Throughout my 20's I wanted to be married.  I would go out with my friends and spend most of my evening on the lookout for my Soul Mate. Sometimes, tempted to stay in for the night, I still forced myself to go out because I might miss 'The One.'  In my mid-20's I finally captured the elusive relationship and spent the next 2 years trying to turn him into my idea of what a boyfriend should be. After significant effort and the failed achievement of becoming what we were not, we gave up the ghost and moved apart.

On my 30th birthday I woke up and realized, 'I don't HAVE to be married.'

For the next 5 years I was completely single. I threw myself into a retail management job that consumed the majority of my time, and I went back to school to get my MBA. I maintained a balanced level of professional success and personal failure. I got my MBA, my store made it's goal every month, and I was promoted to supervise our Philadelphia region... but my weight was breaking the scale and I couldn't write a check that wasn't made of rubber.  When I finally got my weight back to a healthy place, my finances secured, and my working hours to allow for a social life, I suddenly experienced another realization.  'I don't HAVE to be single - either.'

Experiencing that realization did not allow for an immediate transition from single to married with children. It's been more of a gradual experience... one of learning and appreciation, and in a way, preparation.  Getting to watch my friends with their children has become a source of joy I never thought I would have. My friend C tirelessly travels the baseball and basketball circuit while helping her son enjoy his passion for sports. My friend A will spend an entire lunch hour picking up the silverware her 9 month old daughter drops on the floor, making jokes about the 5 second rule instead of complaining. My friend R will handle her young daughter with grace and calm when the young girl breaks into tears if something doesn't go her way. My friend M will leave work early so that his son doesn't have to be the only boy in his after-school dance class.

I'm grateful to Amy for having this blog. It's an expression of love - of a parent to a child, of a new family. Reading her stories shows me that this type of love is possible and that the journey is worth it.

Today I wake up. It's my 37th birthday. I'm 'still' single. I know that "I don't HAVE to be single" and "I don't HAVE to be married." Either way, the journey is worth it.

The views expressed are those of the author and are not necessarily those of blue-haired blonde.